itsyourshowfandomcom-20200215-history
Episode 44: The Story of Lola
Lots of coffee talk, including John’s dad’s opinions on flavored coffee. ** Merlin examines 7/11 coffee like a crazy person. ** John can drink an entire pot of coffee in a day (10 cups). ** Merlin describes his Irish breakfast from his Sunday daughter-daddy lunch. *** He doesn’t like their silverware, doesn’t like their coffee, doesn’t like their water. They show up with a lot of their own stuff. * 15:30- John plays Santa for a burlesque (they’ve mixed burlesque with elivshness) Christmas in Seattle. ** Tattooed chunky girls with pointy airs. They are John’s dirty little elves. ** As a result, he can identify with Christmas porn. ** They help the indie-rock crowd gather the courage to come sit on his lap. *** And tend to want spankings. ** “Talk about a North Pole.” -MM ** Portland v. Seattle stripper and burlesque scenes. *** John’s survey of the strippers in Portland is incomplete. *** 26:20- Alaskan strip clubs: **** The doorman was just there to keep the Russians out. **** Alaska got strippers from all around the world, and all of the money was in the hands of oil men without high school educations. **** “There’s no $20 bill that’s going to impress a lady as much as kicking some guy’s ass.” -MM **** Coming from Alaska, going to parties required some adjusting. **** “I am a legitimate, old-school pussy.” -MM * 37:00- The story of Lola ** John is 16 at the strip club and gets a table and a chair at the front. Everyone is calling for a girl named Lola. ** He’s drinking Mickey’s Big Mouths, a fortified beverage. John pees in the Mickey’s bottle to avoid getting up and going to the restroom. *** “I can’t say whether I’m the only guy with his dick out in the bar, but I’m definitely the only one peeing in a Mickey’s bottle, that I can see. And I’m trying to pull it off.” -JR ** Lola comes out to dance, and John puts the bottle on the bar. This is the mistake. *** A drunk Navy sailor asks if that’s John’s beer. “Nope." *** “He kinda looks around, and sorta sly, grabs it. And it is steaming hot. And takes a big draft off of it. And Kel goes, ‘That’s it, we’re out of here!’" **** “Just between dudes, that’s pee.” What John did not to say to the sailor. * John and Merlin go to a strip club together. ** Merlin felt like a homemade pussy. * John collects beer steins. * Chili ** John makes a bunch of vegetarian chili with hamburger. Sometimes while wearing clothes. Sometimes only an apron. Sometimes just the Santa beard. ** John buys vegetarian chili, confident that the chances of there being any hate in the can are very small. *** “Do you buy anything more masculine to offset the appearance that you’re a giant faggot?” -MM **** “No, because I don’t care what people in supermarkets think." * Merlin: If you need to pee, never grab smaller than a liter. * Kashmir: ** John suspects the Chinese of trying to move the fence anywhere the border touches. ** Coca-Cola can solve this with Dasani water. * When they wrap up Merlin’s going to pee and measure it. ** And he wants to compare with John. * 1:15:35: “I used to live in a warehouse loft that I kept meaning to put a bathroom in.” -JR ** He lived there for 4 years. ** He would pee in gallon jugs and sometimes get 3 or 4 full under his bed at the same time. ** And he lived behind a police station. *** He would throw his ammonia pee out the window and against the police station. **** He could wind up so he was really hucking it. Someone must have seen it. * Merlin and his daughter asked the police about their shotguns.